this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
