it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
