Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
