Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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