I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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