I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
