You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
