What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
