This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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