Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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