Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
