Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
In America we eat man semen.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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