I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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