i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
