omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize