Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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