I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
