And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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