flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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