A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did we literally take a cab across the street
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
