Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
