The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
