ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Your tits are I can't wait for
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
