1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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