By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize