is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
