I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well you can't waste a boner
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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