ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
