you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
