I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
