Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
