I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
