Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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