Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
