Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
