No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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