woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize