you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
