My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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