I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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