Jerry, you need to find god
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
