Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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