i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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