Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
