Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
