We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize