where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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