i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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