The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
