dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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