He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
