if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
