Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I only lived at night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize