just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
