the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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