went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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