Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize