Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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