when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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