I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
