Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
