Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
