Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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