I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
