somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
