i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
