After last night, I could never be a politician.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
