I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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