Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
