Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
