Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I accidentally burped into my bong.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
