Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
