2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
