ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
