Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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