So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
