She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
