operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
