You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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