worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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