do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
