Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
