so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
