Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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