I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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