I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize